Make your own free website on

Stewy's Travel Tips



Stewy's Travel Tips

These tips are the lessons that I, and my travelling companions, have learn from years of near-disasters whilst on holiday. Hopefully you can incorporate them into your knowledge and avoid similar situations!

And now the tips, all from personal experience (If you have any queries, email me!):

  • Never ride a bike with wet hair. Especially at -6 degrees.
    Don't delete the BIOS on your computer at the start of a 10 week overseas trip.
    Never drink alcohol in a 3rd-World Country, especially the night before a six-hour bus trip.
    Never Challenge anyone to a Glucose-tablet eating contest.
    Never leave a hotel window open when it is snowing.
    If you have any pressing commitments, don't strike up a conversation with a drunk Austrian Fireman.
    Never stay at a hotel with more pet animals than rooms.
    Never expect to cross Atlanta Airport in less than 45 minutes.
    Likewise for Munich Station.
    Hot Dogs and Rollercoasters do not mix.
    No matter how broke you are, never, NEVER eat Oreos for breakfast.
    Avoid Balloon salesmen, especially Mormon ones.
    Never underestimate the usefullness of a pink feather, especially at the Forbidden City.

But even elite travellers make mistakes. Here are some amusing quotes from unique situations that are UNLIKELY to ever repeat themselves.

  • " It's OK, we don't need jackets, the snow will melt by morning" "It isn't chicken-pox, it's just a rash"
    "It's just a harmless Bison!"
    "That resteraunt looks expensive, lets go to this one" (In Mexico)
    "Cost? $ 10. But she assured me that they were genuine Calvin Klein."
    "I am sure Australian Customs will understand."
    "It's the Beijing subway, it cannot be that hard to understand"
    "Ordering at Subway cannot be that hard, I just want a simple tomato roll."
    "Why waste time in the resteraunt eating, when we can take tuna sandwiches with us?"